EDIT: All right. So, I'm majorly confused, since she called that evening and acted like everything was fine. I'm really not happy with her attitude about this (She's blaming me, when it's only partially my fault) and with the outcome, but right now, I'll take what I can get. I haven't got much else, really. I s' pose I'll see how things go, and if it sucks again, I'll bring it up. This time, though, I'll make sure I am heard, too.

Thank you all for your supportive, thoughtful comments, especially Cass. They really helped.

I'll leave it at this: There's been this huge situation with Syd lately, and... it's not going to end pretty. I wish everything could have been different, but it can't be. I'm trying to make the best of it as I can, but... it's not easy. I won't talk about it, since I refuse to be an emo idiot and I refuse to complain about her. She still means so much to me through everything, and I don't think that'll ever be erased.

I was once told that with every ending, there's a beginning that follows... but I see no new beginning in sight. Right now, I see nothingness, and it scares the shit out of me. I'm usually one to face things head on and confront my problems... but, for the first time, I just want to run away. I want to shut my eyes and wake up in a happier time, when everything was okay and I wasn't crying myself to sleep at night.

I've already said too much and sound like an emo. I just... felt a need to explain why I've been... so dead on here for so long...

Well, this is it.

I'll do my best to stick around, but... I dunno how much I'll be drawing or writing in the future. Everything was built around her, and... it's all crumbling into pieces. I feel alone and broken, and I have to fix myself because no one is going to do it for me. I'm on my own here. Time to face the world.

I Am The Ram

*Just so you all know:
- The party was cancelled, since two of the five people invited couldn't come. I've decided to have it over the summer instead.
- Things with Patrick are very confusing right now. I just want to see him at this point, he'd make everything better.
- No, I will not talk about what happened.
- I am deleting all comments and deviations and journals and shit in my inbox. If there's something you wanted me to see, send a link through a note or something.
- Don't expect me to respond to much*